Ok so why on earth does this girl want to stay with me , like a relationship and everything.
i mean seriousely , this is the first time ive ever had this problem... Usually its all Like oh hey and whatever happens happens then we go our own ways and maybe meet up another day.

but why in the hell would someone WANT to be with me , I mean I cannot understand it Not one damn bit this isnt a joke because I feel terrible....
because I know she deserves so much better than me and if we get too involved im only goin to screw her life up...I know hows it guna happen and i dont want to but she just wont take an easy way out ive been trying to give her...
fuckin hell =/

Been relatively good actually , with the exception of a very annoying problem.
I'm not one to get attacthed to another person or even have feelings for other people however , After a series of odd events I ended up in what would be my longest relationship nearing a month.
At work the other day I realize how much I actually miss her.
I guess I have feelings for this person , Anyways Im trying to decide what to do and ive chosen option B.
hope that im never forced to make an actual decision on the matter relax and have fun for the time being who knows where it'll take me.
Life is short , thats for damn certain so we all better live it up.

I once thought , It was the destination we were all seeking....
Honestly , i thought the end result is all that mattered but I now realize.. it's the journey that makes it worth the time.
It's not only the friends you make , or the new experiences , but the memories and lessons we are able to cherish along the way.
Without the journey , would the destination even have a meaning?
I conclude , We are not looking for a place , a set goal , it's the adventure we all seek.
It's good to follow your dream , but don't forget about all the things you learn on the way , the people you meet , and to me the most important.
The people we share those memories with.

I have become more mature in a sense , However I'm idealistic which I hate , Logical which drives me crazy , Also some would call me insane.
Most of all , The mistakes we make are part of us we cannot try to bury the past.
Don't feel you must repent , for a long time I did feel i needed to help others in order to make thing right but I learned different.
( to sit alone with ones consience is judgement enough )
We all , have the right to make choices , live as we desire , And choose our fate.
Never feel compelled to do somehting you've no desire to do.

So , I find myself thinking different than previousely thought.
Personally I have made my choices on my own terms so I have that satisfaction that I'm free. I don;t know why , people let others control every aspect of their lives... Almost as if they cant think for themselves?

It confuses me , Without the freedom do as you see fit what is life worth? When for all we know , There may not be a tomarrow.
On a serious note I don't really care anymore. I've had plenty of fun and it's time to actually take life seriousely as an adult.

I guess I'm about the same as always , slightly insane but striving to improve. I hope everyone appreciates tomarrow , Because I know someone who did and that man ... Is my Hero.

On another note , Anyone wanting to go to metro should contact me and NO man loving in my hotel room this year alrighty?
I've gotta pass out zz rave tomarrow.

I was reorginizing and accidently found something I had hidden. Someone comissioned me a beautiful picture i had never wanted to see again... and with it was something i had commisioned for her but never gave it to her out of disgust in myself for what had happened. I don't even think she has me watched on D.A anymore... Anyways hope you enjoy.
I do miss how... things used to be so simple , I knew what I wanted and I would just go after it but in these times...Seems all I can do is regret and apologize even though it means nothing
Also , be so kind as to not telling people to find out who this is about...and i dont wanna hear from anyone "everythings going to be alright" because its just going to irritate me

I feel I must write this down
and send it off to you
I know i've made a big mistake
I hope that were not throuugh

I feel an emptiness without you here
by my side where you belong
just know I am writing this
for that I know I was wrong

I know that I have really hurt you
I say it in your eyes
and for the pain I caused
I must apologize

there is no excuse for what I did
and how I made you feel
Just know this comes from my heart
and its sincere and real

I'll never cause you pain again
if you'll accept this
and forgive me
let's go back to "you an me"